Look down the scope. Wait for just the right moment. Trees surround my body, floor of messy nature grounds me in reality. New territory, same creatures. You can do this, it's just an animal. My finger quivers on the trigger, eagerly waiting for the moment to strike. It's unaware how its life is going to end in an instant. I squint, firmly pulling the trigger back and watching the bullet fly through the air. I watch it go through the body of the deer, flying directly in and out like the deer was made of nothing but paper. I watch the others near their deer-friend scatter as the one I struck wanders a few feet and looks towards me before collapsing. I walk over, seeing the look in its eyes suddenly freeze. Lying there motionless, the life of this animal met a bitter end. I sat down, at a reasonable distance so my clothes wouldn't be stained by the blood puddle. I watch its heart slowly stop beating from the bullet hole left in its side. "Straight shot," I mumble under my breath. I waited there, just thinking about what I'd done. I had a sense of pride, knowing my skills honed to quite a high level. But was I hunting again because I wanted to or did I just want to bring the end to a creature that seemingly caused my whole mental conundrum?

I just waited for something. Anything. I wanted this to fill the void I had in my heart. My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me a little and stopping my train of thought right on the track. I pull it out, hoping it was a notification from her. It was just some stupid telemarketer. I wanted to move my session to tomorrow, but it looked like she hadn't seen my text. All of a sudden, my phone started ringing. I picked it up almost immediately before realizing I needed to pull out my earplugs first. Doing so, I put the phone to my ear and prepared to hear his voice. "Hey Dad."

"Hey, Sean! How've you been, buddy? Listen, I need you to stop by the house, I have something for you." I sigh, waiting for the catch. He, thankfully, couldn’t hear the disappointment in my voice. "Is that all?" Just white noise filling my ears. "Well, I'll tell you the rest when you get here." I dropped my head, making myself stand as I began to hike back to where I parked my truck. "Alright, I'm on my way." The enthusiasm was just pouring out of me. "Aw, I'm so glad to hear that! You won't regret this I promise!" I kept walking, branches breaking under my feet. "Alright, well I'm going to get to my truck. I'm currently in Blackwood Forest hunting so I'm not too far. I'll probably be there in maybe 20-30 minutes. I'll see you then. Love you, bye." I hung up immediately. As much as I loved my father, he very rarely calls me to talk. He wants something from me or wants to talk about how I'm not running the museum to his standards. Thankfully, I hadn't traveled far from my car so I was able to get back with relative ease. Unlocking my vehicle and hopping in, I felt my phone vibrate again. I looked at what the text said, a smile forming on my face.

Hey Sean, I won't be free tomorrow but if it's urgent, you can come over to my place and we can talk this evening. I'll send you my address.

A saving grace of mine. I started the engine, almost instinctively wanting to go to her place before realizing I had to go to my father's. Starting the drive to my father's, I had flashes of the nightmare experience I had to go through. The girl I had killed. My stomach began to churn, sloshing inside itself. I just forced myself to think about something else before it happened again since I wasn't paying full attention to the road. I had to figure out a way to get over it. "I could go and visit her family and apologize?" Not a smart idea, they looked heartbroken when the jury found me not guilty. "I could go to the funeral." Like the family would accept any kind of apology I would make. "I could go to the morgue." I...could go to the morgue. Maybe seeing her would give me the chance to apologize to her. Even if she wouldn't be able to hear me. 'I could take her body from the- Whoa! What the fuck?! That's horrible! Why would I even think that let alone do it?!" The sweat on my forehead became more prevalent, my intrusive thoughts throwing the worst ideas at me. The freight train of deplorable acts scurrying through my mind making me feel like I am some kind of monster. I'm not.

Right?

I pulled into the driveway, mentally preparing for whatever it was my father wanted to talk to me about. Getting out, I walked along to stones in the grass and made it to the front door. It felt like this door was hundreds of feet taller than I was. I rang the doorbell, the deep chime ringing throughout the inside of the house. I watched the door open, seeing a teenager who looked like they hadn't slept in months. The baggy graphic tee they were wearing and sweatpants to match. With an energy drink in hand and a phone in the other, I looked back to see if I was at the wrong house. I was positive I wasn't confused as to what was happening. They looked at me, before saying something unexpected. "Hey Sean, it's good to see you." The voice sounded equally as tired as their appearance. Still confused, I walked in and saw my father lying on the couch. "Ah, Sean! There's my son! Come over here and hug your old man!" He held his arms out, eagerly awaiting my embrace. I hugged back, before letting go and sitting in an adjacent chair. "Who is the kid?" I ask, gesturing towards the only other person I don't recognize. "Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about! This is your new hire!" I blink a few times, thinking about everything already on my plate. I know he doesn't know about the court case, but still. "I'm sorry, what?" I didn't even let him respond before I turned to the kid. "Can I have a word with my father alone real quick? I need to-" I swallow the saliva that started circling in my mouth. "-talk. To him." My anger was already starting to show, my teeth clenching against each other. They picked up on this, already walking out the door. As the door shut, I glared at my father the moment the kid left.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I shouted, not caring that whoever it was outside would be able to hear. "I already have a lot I'm dealing with and you just want to throw more coal into the fire? This is what you dragged me over here for? To make me interview this kid?" My dad's eye was twitching as I was yelling at him, grabbing his cane and slowly bringing himself to his feet. He groaned in pain as I was just laying into him about how much I was already struggling. "Each day, I wake up with back pain! Whether that's an ongoing medical problem or the responsibilities you just threw onto me, I have no clue!" My heart was pumping out of my chest. He started to walk towards the dining room, passing by a giant, well, something. I couldn't tell what it was, being covered in tarp after all. I stopped, looking at it more to register what it could be and realizing something was off. "What the hell is that?" I watched my father turn around and then glance back at me. "Oh, this ol' thing? It's nothin'!" He started limping over to it, grabbing the tarp and throwing it to the floor. As it landed, my eyes were treated to something of cosmic proportions. It was a statue of himself. It was adorned with small trinkets and details to match every art piece ever shown at the museum. It was like a memorial made just for my father, to honor the legacy he created. The suit he wore, the slicked-back hair he used to sport at every major reveal he held. It was all here. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever laid my eyes upon. "This is incredible. Who made this?" The moment the question entered my mind and left my lips, I knew the answer. "Oh. Oh no."

My father had a look of pure disappointment on his face. I took a breath, my heart dipping into my stomach. My mind snatched every bit of serotonin away as pieced it together. "I hope this is to your liking." He said, his gaze going back to the statue. "Since I was little, I have spent a lot of time in the museum. Every time a new exhibit was announced, I begged and pleaded with my mom to take me so I could see all the beautiful pieces of art you'd want to show us. It was amazing, it was one of the single best experiences of my childhood and inspired me to be an artist. You have helped me get through some rough patches. In honor of your retirement, I thought it'd be nice to have this statue made for you. Thank you for everything." I watched my father pull a small piece of paper and toss it in my direction. I grabbed it from my feet, opening it. It was the same thing he just said to me. "That is why I brought him here. I asked to see his face after I got the first note where they asked if the statue could be sent. This was the reason I even founded the museum. Because we need more artists who make stuff from the heart." I left my head down, folding the paper back up. "I thought that if you saw something like this, you'd be as impressed as I am. But clearly, you just have far too much going on in your life. I'll just ask them to leave you alone. Unless you've miraculously had a change of heart. "You can. You can come back in." The door slowly opened, before closing again. "If I came at a bad time, you can just let me know. I can ask my mom to pick me up and I'll-" "No, no, it's alright. I've just had a terrible week. You made this?" I asked, still in awe of the beauty in the dining room. They nodded, smiling. "Yeah, I heard Giovanni say what the letter said, but it's true. The museum has always been something I continue to love and working there would be a dream." My dad decided to chime in, saying "Well, I think Sean would love to have you onboard." I glanced at him, before looking back to meet the sculptor. "Of course I would, It'd be a pleasure to have you make art for us. You already know me, but what's your name?"

"I'm Arik."

I shook his hand, acting happy to add him and his talents to our team. Go ahead and add another entree to my plate dad, I’d love to have him aboard!

“I’m going to step out and get some fresh air,” I say, not caring if they could hear me or not. Bringing myself to the front patio and sitting down, I just collapse mentally.

I stared at the driveway, holding my head in my hands. "I am so sorry Arik, I didn't mean for you to hear any of that. I just kinda snapped." I could see him nod, drinking a swig of his energy drink. "It's cool, I get it. I mean, I've had a few of those moments myself." He took another sip like he was chugging water. "If you bottle up everything, you are bound to pop at some point, ya know what I mean?" I raise my head, making eye contact. "I do. It's weird hearing someone less than half my age say that. I kinda feel like I should be telling you things like this." "Yeah, I guess. You'd wanna be the Mr. Miyagi to my Daniel?" I chuckle. "Do I really look that old to you?" He smiles, setting down his drink. "No, just pulling your leg." I take a few deep breaths, calming myself to subside any anger I still would've had inside. "How do you even know about that film?" I ask, confident it hadn't even come out while Arik was alive. "Well, my dad loved watching it. It came out a few years before I was born. It was his favorite movie." He stood up, stretching. Bringing himself back to the entryway to the house, I try and make a nice comment. "Your dad sounds like a good guy, Arik." Arik stopped, unmoving in his stance. "Not as good as yours. Your father cares about you." He opened the door, gesturing to see if I wanted to enter. I shook my head, grabbing my keys from my pocket and jingling them. "I have somewhere I need to be here in a few." His facial expression changed to neutral as he walked in and shut the door. God, what am I thinking? I should just tell my dad where I'm headed and rip the bandaid off. The longer I stay here, the more I risk having to deal with anything but my main issue.

Weighing the options, I lifted myself and went back inside the house. Arik stood beside my father near the small statue he crafted. I walked up to the duo, feigning neutrality, not wanting to show any kind of negative emotion. "Hey Dad? I've gotta head out. I have somewhere I gotta be." His eyebrows furrowed, the smile he wore fading. "Not with your dear old father, right? Go ahead, I'll just stay here with Arik and talk about art like we were doing before you arrived." My dad was looking at me with piercing eyes and Arik seemed like he wasn't even paying attention to our conversation. I was tapping my foot, my anxiety already getting to me. I wanted approval, but god knows he hasn't given me anything of the sort in years. He just went back to staring at the statue, admiring its beauty. Maybe if he spent two percent more time with his children, most of them would've stayed in contact. I head towards the exit, looking back to hope something changed. It never does. I let myself out of the house, getting some of the tendrils of tension to unwrap themselves off my body. I reached my vehicle and slammed it shut as I sat down inside. A loud sigh left my body involuntarily, like my subconscious needed to. There are so many places I'd rather be right now than in front of this stupid house. Waffle House. Mars. Another universe. Therapy. 

I pulled out my phone and called my therapist ready to tell her I was on the way. Clicking the speaker button, the ringing of the phone filled the small area of the vehicle. Like a tiny pathetic opera with one instrument. "Hello?" She said, picking up my call. "Hey, I just wanted to call to let you know I'm leaving my dad's house and headed your way." "Alright, I'll see you when you get here! Was your father's alright?" I stay quiet for a second, attempting to gather my scattered thoughts from across the floor. "It was alright. I got to deal with his criticism, like always. I could say quite a few things, but I'll give you the details when I get there." I pulled out of the driveway, punching her address into the GPS as I did and starting my journey. "Sounds good to me. I'll talk to you later, okay?" "Alright, bye." I hung up, now focusing on driving. Driving around the town was nice, but I'd probably be dead and buried before I made it to my destination. Looking at the navigation, it seemed like I could take a shortcut through the forest I was in earlier. Saves me time and sanity. Traffic is usually pretty bad around this time anyway. I turn the steering wheel gently right, taking the turn and following the paved road. I'm running through the filing cabinets of my mind, trying to pass the time. The buildings became far more sparse as trees began to fill the in-betweens. At least the guys upstairs found a slide to put on the projector. The accident. The one thing I'd love to think about while in a truck traveling through the thicket. The road just kept getting longer, the pathway winding more and more. Every minute passing by was just another minute I had to face reality. Each second was a second I was alive and she wasn't. My chest tightened, my heartbeat started racing, and my lungs deflated rapidly. I pulled over, slamming the brakes and swerving to the side to park, protecting myself. I was gasping for air, desperate to breathe the way I was able to before. I panicked more, scrambling to open the door and touch the ground. Fear had gripped me by the lungs, trying to choke the light out of me. I closed my eyes when I leaned against my truck before I felt them shoot open again. I had to breathe slower and calmer. "I just...need to name...five things I can see." The moon paired with the stars, the trees, the pavement of the road, and a deer. "What can I...hear?" The breeze swirling around me, the engine purring, the woodland animals crushing the sticks beneath their feet, and ringing. Ringing? "Three of the...feelings." My shoes around my feet. My shirt sliding against the back of the truck. The grass against my face? The dark creeping into my vision. My eyes being heavier than usual.